betteryourbest

What are you afraid of?

“Read,” said Sister Margaret.   I was about 7 years old at Catechism and just stared at her as if she had four eyes and didn’t respond.  “It’s nonsense for your child to be learning French when she can’t even read in English!” she later went on to tell my parents.  I was a late bloomer when it came to reading and writing-blame it on French Immersion became my excuse.  It became my story; and I went on to avoid any subjects that required heavy writing. 

I did and do love reading, but loath writing.  There’s structure to follow, there’s grammar and punctuation to know, and then even references to support your ideas...and done, why even bother getting started? 

Starting a business in the information age is challenging my little “I was in French Immersion so I can’t write” story.  Social media, social networking and blogging are all cornerstones to successful marketing and promotion.  Not only does this important business tool challenge my fear of writing, it is also prime breeding ground for any impostor type thoughts bubbling away in my subconscious.    I’m already thinking this bog is garbage so far. But I will persevere!

So what do I know enough about to write about and what makes me think that the French Immersion kid can pull something off that has a point and flows? 

I have many fears. I know about the fear of losing everything, the fear of speaking in front of large groups of people, the fear of writing and the fear of water.  Fear breeds anxiety in every cell of my body.  It turns my stomach into an acidic nausea stew.  It makes my palms sweat, my heart race and my breathing shorten.  I try every technique out there; visualization, belly breathing, exercise. None of it works.  Try again, breath, breath, and then a big long slow breath out.

Breathing does help and then I try to imagine the absolute worst case scenario or outcome.  “Getting kicked in the head in the swim portion of my half Ironman, chocking on water, having to stop turn over and finish the swim on my back.”  Oh yeah by the way I have done that before.  Not in a half Ironman but in a sprint tri in a public pool with about 100 people watching.  I survived.  You know why?  I can handle it.  I know I can float no matter what and I know that shriveling up from embarrassment just doesn’t happen.  It isn’t physically possible. 

Many of my clients have broken through their fear barriers or are just on the brink of jumping.  Knowing that others have succeeded is inspiring and motivating.  What’s your fear and how did you overcome it to achieve a milestone in your life?  At Better Your Best we call these the “Careful what you wish for moments.”  These are the moments where the dream you articulated, the dream that you took the time to get out of your head was realized and those fears were overcome. 

My blog "Play by Your Own Rules" generated a ton of very positive responses and five new clients.  This has taught me two things.  First, people are ready to start considering more meaningful ways of living their lives, but are scared of the unknown.  Second, I need to keep writing.  I need to keep practicing; I need to keep feeling the fear. 

Happy Birthday Grandma Jean!

Grandma Jean turns 97 today.  In her eighties she used to say “I’m 80 odd or 80 even” depending on the year.  Now with a sparkle in her eye she’s quite proud to tell everyone just how old she is.  Whenever I’m asked the question “who’s your biggest mentor” I always answer Grandma Jean.  And so today on her birthday I’ve compiled a list of the 5 great lessons Grandma aka Speed Bump has taught us!

5. Walk everyday!  Grandma never had a driver’s license.  “What would I need that for?  Then all I would have had to do was spend my time chauffeuring my kids around!”

4. Do what you want as long as it doesn’t hurt someone else. 

3. Only pay with credit if you have the cash in your bank account to cover it!  If only the rest of the world had adhered to this principal this past few years!!

2. Losing is alright!  “I love for other people to win!  It puts them in a good mood!”

1. Never stop learning!  Whether it was crosswords, card games, or learning how to use the internet Grandma’s curiosity about everything has never dwindled.  Even today “Carolyn who’s still in the World Cup and what does Fifa stand for?”

Happy Birthday Grandma Jean!!

Play by your own rules...

 

In 2007 I made the decision to start “playing by my own rules.”  Newly married I was faced with a tough decision-leave my safe and secure 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday job and see my husband sporadically or start my dream business and have the flexibility to travel when I wanted to be with my husband. 

 

Good bye safety and security, hello a life of uncertainty!!  When was the last time you had no idea what country you would be in the next week and when you were leaving?  Seriously, think of that for a second.  You don’t know when you are leaving and you don’t know where you are going?  Factors beyond your control will decide your fate.  How does that make you feel?  Annoying, yes.  Scared, yes. Freakin cool, yes!

 

I know I made the right decision, when I find myself cruising on a bike in another country taking in some unbelievable sites, thinking to myself-did I ever think I would be doing hill repeats in the beautiful country side of the Czech Republic?  Did I ever think this is how it would all play out?  The answer is “sort of,” because I know my values, but I never imagined it in this format. 

 

I hate the fast pace of life that so many of my friends and family lead.  Be more, do more, have more.  “Sorry I can’t answer my phone when you call because I’m negotiating a deal, talking to three other people on blackberry messenger all while driving my car with my dog in the trunk waiting for his walk.”  I can feel my stomach turning as I type this!!  I want to scream-it doesn’t have to be that way!  But then I think, maybe they like it that way?  Who am I to judge what they do and don’t like. 

 

I just know that my values and priorities are completely different.  Be the best I can be in mind, body & spirit, have what I need to be healthy and play, grab every opportunity that life has to offer.  I value spontaneity, freedom and being with my husband. 

 

That is how I ended up getting lost on a run last week in the Czech Republic.  Imagine this, 30 minutes in I think “I don’t want to do an out and back, am going to do a loop.  I’ll figure it out.  At 45 minutes winding through small town number two, I’m thinking hmmm, this route is not as obvious as I thought it would be.  Maybe this was a dumb idea.  Rik has no idea where I went, I have no ID, no local currency, no cell phone and I can’t speak A WORD of Czech.  I’m a total idiot.  I always do this; -get myself lost in some foreign country where I can’t speak the language.”  That’s when I say to myself “keep on running, keep on running, keep on running!”  I made my way back and felt like I just PB’d a half marathon.  Seriously two arms up in the air, massive smile on my face as I round the corner and see my hotel.  Then a little giggle and I think to myself “that was freakin cool!!”

 

I feel sometimes that I know a secret that I wish everyone knew.  The secret is this-we all hold the power to make choices and changes in our lives.  I can hear my close friends saying- “we all can’t marry a professional tennis player and travel the world like you do.”  If you wanted to, I could probably hook you up, ha ha, but seriously it comes down to your values and your priorities.  What do YOU want?

 

I’ve learn't a lot about living by my own rules these past 2.5 years.  I toy with the idea of starting a blog writing about my adventures and sharing some of the tips I’ve picked up along the way from where to rent a bike in the Canary Islands, to the best way to run your virtual business.  But then who wants one more thing to manage in their lives and really it’s kind of narcissistic.  “Hey, read about all the cool things I get to do while you have to sit in your cubicle and get yelled at about something that is completely out of your control.” Really I just want people to fundamentally know that they have the freedom to actually call the shots in their own lives.  You don’t need to have 10 million in the bank, you don’t need to wait till your children get to a certain age, you don’t need to marry a tennis player, you just have to want it badly enough and start making some of the decisions and choices required to make what you want happen. 

 

If you are looking for a good kick in the pants with some solid “how to tips” read this book “The Four Hour Work Week” by Tim Ferriss.  I downloaded the audio version on this last trip and I love his no nonsense practical approach for living the life that you want.  I don’t love the “I’m the best at this and that and this” but hey his point is you can do things you probably never thought of because you don’t know how to play the game. 

 

Read the book and then give me a call to figure out what your best game looks like and start playing by your own rules!

“Can you please send me your champagne goals for 2010?”

I feel like I’ve repeated that about 100 times in the past few weeks.  It’s bringing me back to my drill sergeant personality from my personal training days; when it suddenly occurred to me.  “Have I even done my champagne goals for 2010?”  The answer is no I haven’t completely.  I mean I have scrap pieces of paper brainstorming different ideas, I have note books with to do lists and I have a journal somewhere on my computer but I have yet to totally do my own 2010 goals.  So I just started them but was then inspired me to write this blog...ahh shiny objects! 

Before looking at where you are going in 2010 it’s important to look at where you have been.  We all know this but like our goals-have you done it?  2009 has been a challenging year for many people-myself included.  Whether it is the environment, the economy or just the sad social status of the world 2009 was tough.  It has me asking some big questions.  Is private industry going to re-define success?  What is going to be our next major energy source?  Will religion ever be lived and practiced the way it was authentically intended?  Will the earth somehow find a way to heal itself? How will the emergence of more women as leaders in the 21^st century impact all of this?  Will Tiger & Elin be able to reconcile their marriage?  Only kidding, but I do hope that they will shine again soon. These are pretty big questions and the weight of them can be quite heavy. 

When I feel this heaviness I automatically try and bring things back to their basic positive form.  What have been my champagne moments for 2009?  When have I felt most alive or in the zone?  Here’s what I came up with in no particular order.

1.    Having Apres with my brothers and their kids after a day of all of them learning to ski on Grouse.

2.    Watching my nieces learn how to ride their bikes in the Seymour Demonstration Forsest.

3.    Gabby my niece grabbing my face with both hands and whispering so I barely heard “amo tia.”

4.    The African Safari with amazing family and friends and sun downers.

5.    Seeing Chad W. in London, hugging Chad extra long and hard after my birthday dinner, watching Megan honor him like no one else could. 

6.    Doing a 12km trail run with some good friends at the last minute; what was I thinking.

7.    All of my Better Your Best moments: facilitating an inspiring workshop at Wimbledon, clients getting their dream jobs, running the business from all over the world.

8.    Paris with the “de Voest” ladies!

9.    Securing my dream house after a very competitive offer.

10.   Watching Rik crack the biggest grin after catching a wave while Surfing in Ucluelet in November; not knowing that I was watching him.

As I get going I realise I could go on and on.  What reflecting on this has taught me is that my best life is defined by my relationships, my experiences and my contributions.  I’m going to approach 2010 by continuing to better all of these.  Remembering these moments and my core values will help guide me in establishing my goals and in my decision making.  Although at times it might not seem like I’m making much of a dent on the bigger challenges the world is facing; maybe by being the best person I can be with goals that honor my relationships, experiences and contributions in a tiny way I will make a difference?  Clients get me your goals!!!

“Only one life that soon has past. Only what’s done with love will last.”

This is a version of a poem I recently came across.  It’s a great reminder for this time of the year; New Years.  Today is a great opportunity to look back on your previous year and celebrate your successes and milestones.  How quickly we can forget all of the wonderful memories we have accumulated in the past 12 months.  Take a moment now to reflect on your transformations and accomplishments.  What are you most proud of; what was done with love? 

Looking forward to 2009 what are you most excited for?  Do you set goals?  Do you have New Years resolutions?  How do you feel about these tools; are they effective for you?  There has been plenty of writing out there indicating their value (The Secret, The Law of Attraction etc.) but how can you make the process meaningful to you?  Your challenge for this month is to think of a creative way you can articulate your goals and dreams for 2009. 

Below are a few suggestions:

Mind Map
Letter to You dated December 31^st 2009
Collage

Contact me today to set up your personal discovery session
and explore how you can make 2009 your “best” year yet!!

Put your big rocks first!

Tough economic times, a death of a loved one or a personal health scare can often be the catalysts that find people asking “am I living a life with meaning?”

What are your values?  What are your priorities?  Are you healthy?  How are your personal relationships?  Are you getting paid to do something you love?  Take a moment right now to make a list of these.  Check in on each of them, and find out exactly how meaningful your life is.  What stands out the most? 

By bringing awareness you are already raising the bar on living your meaningful life.  The challenge remains in bringing consciousness to these priorities and honouring them daily!  When this is accomplished notice how great your life becomes! 

How do you like to play?

My favorite childhood memories are from unstructured play time.  I spent many an hour with friends riding bikes, climbing trees and rollerskating. 

It has been only in the last few years that I've realized that the reason play is so amazing is because when we are at play nothing else in the whole world matters but what we are engaged in in that moment.  Worries, anxieties and stress from our conscious minds are gone and are replaced with the the creativity of our subconscious minds and the art of being completely in the moment of our being right now. 

What happens to your mind when you play?  What is your favorite form of play?